Thatch nutcracker: no thanks, Santa
Posted on Friday 19 December, 2008
Filed Under Conservative Party
I NEVER did quite see it myself, but I am told there are those who find Margaret Thatcher sexually alluring. Jonathan Ross famously suggested that David Cameron was one of them, when he inquired as to whether visions of the former prime minister had fuelled the Tory leader’s imagination during a certain act of rite de passage typical of the adolescent male.
Then there was Alan Clark – a keen amateur swordsman, by all accounts – who maintains in his diaries that Thatch used to act ‘almost coquettishly’ in male company, and adds:
But goodness, she is so beautiful; made up to the nines of course, for the television programme, but still quite bewitching, as Eva Peron must have been. I could not take my eyes off her …
Those who share his opinion are presumably the target market for a fetching and extremely kitsch novelty item, the Margaret Thatcher nutcracker, illustrated above. Yes, it is as gross as it looks, as the advertising blurb makes plain. Many on the left will find the obvious Freudian symbolism most disturbing:
Insert a nut up her skirt, squeeze her legs together and hey presto – your nut is cracked.
Obviously a hot item at just £9.99, and a sure-fire investment for collectors of political memorabilia, but not quite what I‘m hoping to find in my stocking next Thursday. What will they think of next? The Charles Kennedy combination corkscrew and bottle-opener can only be a matter of time. Other suggestions in the comments box, please.
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12 Responses to “Thatch nutcracker: no thanks, Santa”
“Obviously a hot item at just £9.99, and a sure-fire investment for collectors of political memorabilia, but not quite what I‘m hoping to find in my stocking next Thursday.”
Damn, now what am I going to get you !
Ill have to give it to Jim D instead. Given his thing for Melanie Phillips he probably also quite fancied the idea of being told off by Maggie as well.
Now why am I not surprised an AWL member has the hots for a nutty right wing Zionist.
Suggested political Xmas presents:
A David Cameron toffee apple – because it always ends up back at the core eventually.
A book/DVD trip down memory lane, James Purnell’s ’1930s means testing and me’
John Rees circular playground equipment – because what goes around, comes around.
My hoped-for number 1 at Xmas and on January 10th, a sing -a long we can all join in on, aimed at comrades Crow, Caton, Serwotka, Wrack ‘Why Are we Waiting? Why are we Waiting?’ etc
I am told by those people who met her, that Thatcher’s sexual allure was most apparent in the flesh. As a female of the species, I’ll have to take their word for it. But, isn’t this nutcracker a clear example of how Chinese factory workers are set to turning out rubbish to make someone a fortune? Let’s hope the entrepreneur who thought it up gets his nuts squeezed in the credit crunch. (Hey, that would be a good pressie…a nutcracker labelled ‘the credit crunch’. Anyone know the phone number or e-mail address of a factory in China I can get to make it up for me? Sell it under the slogan ‘Got you by the nuts’.)
Well Dave you may not have found Thatcher alluring but here is an exclusive for you, Thatcher had a passionate affair with a Labour MP back in the 1960s something that is widely known to the media but never published for fear of libel, however I think you should be safe maybe!
In the US, they sell the Hillary Clinton model.
Hey – don’t be ripped off, it’s only £8.99 delivered from play.com!
Thatcher had a passionate affair with a Labour MP back in the 1960s
Their eyes met across the floor of the Commons.
They brushed against each other as they walked into separate lobbies.
Could their love bridge the divide that lay between them and save a country?
“Well Dave you may not have found Thatcher alluring but here is an exclusive for you, Thatcher had a passionate affair with a Labour MP back in the 1960s something that is widely known to the media but never published for fear of libel, however I think you should be safe maybe!”
George Brown?
Suggestions: A Neil Kinnock airbag for your car?
On the sexual allure thing, I’ve been nursing a theory for a while: Part of the key to personal success in politics is to look much more attractive in the flesh than on TV. There are a few politicians that I’ve met that would in no way have a popular reputation for being a bit-of-alright, but when I was standing next to them, I had to admit that they were surprisingly good looking. Tony Blair was one of them – really good skin. And Ruth Kelly was another – fantastic eyes.
I’m really hesitating before hitting the ‘post’ button here – I suspect I’ll regret it….
I’ve always found the opposite to Paulie. Whenever I have encountered actors or entertainers or politicians in the flesh, they have always been stunningly ordinary. And smaller than they look on tv. Some people have faces which tv makes more attractive.
To be honest, I have always found actors outside of the theatre or television programme, much diminished personalities. There is a definite glamour about appearing on a stage. Which just goes to show that sexual attraction is 90% fantasy.
‘Bottler Brown’ lends itself to a whole range of merchandise. How about Jeffrey Archer software for checking the accuracy of your Word documents, an Alistair Darling piggy bank that lets you put money in but then confiscates it and hands it to the taxman?